It’s been nice not having everything I want. Initially, it took some time to see it this way but really, not having every option in multiple color choices with the option to upgrade…it’s been a blessing. Today, for example. My hair has been through hell and has the scorch marks to prove it. I’d run my fingers through my hair and I could hear a sound like the rustle of dry leaves. I spent most of the morning trying to communicate the concept of a layered trim to some very sweet Indian women but they were just as scared as I was about actually making any cuts. So as I wandered back to my place, I popped into an Ayurvedic shop to see what they thought might help my dying hair. Coconut oil, they said. 40 INR ($.80) and twenty minutes later I was covered in a delicious layer of pure coconut oil. I smell like a Girl Scout cookie but its working and I didn’t spend $100 on a rehydrating something or other treatment. Eighty cents and twenty minutes.
coconut cocoon // new rooftop friend
Another example: my windows won’t latch. They’ve either lost their hook or their eye so they flap chaotically in the wind, especially at night. WHAM!!! WHAM!!! My initial solution was to tie my tennis shoes to the handles in an effort to at least create a barrier between wood and glass. It failed. The blanket though: perfect.
It has been a year since my move out to California. Here is how my life has developed:
I have learned to stand up for my dreams…aye, my goals. Even if I didn’t fully believe or live by them at the time, I knew I had to start somewhere, had to just start declaring. One of the most difficult goals I explored a great deal this year was learning how to be alone, with my artwork; focused. I have learned that most Friday and Saturday nights are better spent listening to some good tunes, enjoying a home cooked meal, and working on my art. Most important was finally recognizing how wretched I would act on a night out drinking with my peers and acknowledging that my brain was simply trying to get my attention, blinking a bright red warning message that screamed “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU SHOULD BE WORKING ON YOUR ART”. A year ago I was all mixed up and headed down a very long and dark path to nowhere; sure, there was company but, as they say, misery loves company.
In this past year, I made it across the country, settled into a new home, befriended a whole new family who call themselves my “California family” and with them I know I will always be welcome. I found a job with the craziest of the crazies, moved to Los Angeles, LOS ANGELES, and I am now working at one of the only ceramics studios in the greater L.A. area as a teacher and assistant, making my own art and selling it (www.siximposserousthings.etsy.com). This weekend, I am putting together a sidewalk sale for the studio and next weekend I am creating my own art opening/gallery in my garden. IN MY GARDEN. How many people did I tell in the past year that I was going to have a garden? A ton. Plus a while mess of strangers.
The most important lesson learned: My family is proud of me and they support me – words can’t even hope to describe what that means to me.
On being scared: I get scared ALL the time. But I read over this last paragraph and there is nothing I should be disappointed about, nothing I feel I would go back and change. It is a scary and often lonely road, the road you create, but it is worth it. 100%.