Where to go from here

I’m laid out with a mild fever and I can’t help think it’s a result of stress from thinking too much.

I leave India in a month and I have no plan.

Well, I do have an idea of a plan that involves living in an awesome giant barn with a wheel and a kiln and a jewelry bench and where I can push open the big doors and teach yoga and hold yoga retreats and have a garden and a floor loom to weave awesome yoga mats with the chakras on them. This is what I am going to do. But how??

A few days ago, I sat with one of my colleagues/teacher/friend and asked him to do a Tarot spread (Osho version) for me on this major situation: where do I go from here? The spread that I pulled was super silly…

1. Present moment: I pulled the projections card. Of course. Projections are the clouds that prevent us from seeing reality as it is. What is reality? Reality is not, for example, the economic recession, bills, insurance, having a 9 – 5, although some people will argue to the death that it is. These are just thoughts. In the Yoga Sutras we read that all thoughts break down into 5 categories. Thoughts are fine until we decide to attach to one and claim it as being true; this is what people who claim reality is having a 9 – 5, etc are doing. The category of thought this falls under is ignorance about the true nature of things, not seeing reality as it is. Fearless expression of yourself is ultimate alignment with reality. My fearless expression: being a jewelry making, pottery firing, yoga teaching, gardening inspiration.

2. Resistance: I pulled the Compromise card. I thought this meant that I must give up some aspects of the little hippie life I want in order to be happy or able to move forward…because this is what some people in my life expect of me. HA! Not so! It is one thing to meet another halfway or work towards some type of harmony. It is quite another to “cave in” and betray our own truth. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing, limiting myself by compromising my fearless expression.

The spread went on to highlight my internal support as sharing: creating an environment where I have an opportunity to share my love, joy and laughter. External support was giving up the illusion that I have control over the external. And ultimately this all leads to maturity, where a solid base is formed from what has been experienced within.

I walk around all day on high alert. Where is my barn? What country is it in? Should I go home? How will I find this amazing barn? This continues on loop all day.

Once we stop holding so tightly onto our thoughts, we can be free.

All that you gather Part 2

For the past few days I’ve been distracted. Going through the motions of my day while my thoughts are elsewhere. I’ve been running multiple times a day; it gives me an out and I can focus on running instead of 1.where am I going to come up with my rent, 2.whether my art is even worth making at all, and 3.if I make it, will anybody buy it?

There are a few things that don’t work with that mindset: 1. I’ve already declared that this month I will pay for my rent from money I make by selling my art. There’s no Plan B, for when Plan A doesn’t work because Plan A will work. There’s no other option than its success. I’ve been getting scared and doubtful – but there’s no need for that. I have faith. I have manifesting power! After all, is there anything in my life that I’ve set an intention on and haven’t received? nope.
2.of course my art is worth making.
What a silly thought.
3. Doesn’t matter; make the art, send it into the world, people will respond.

Speaking of responding…as soon as I reset my intentions (see above), I
discovered a new technique for transferring an image onto clay using matte medium. Didn’t cost me a thing, I already had all the supplies I needed; I’ve been lugging them around move after move…it’s interesting how the things you gather always come around again.

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