Tomorrow is a new day for everyone. Brand new moon and brand new sun.
Final hours in Rishikesh.
1. Sometimes you wake up and before breakfast, you gotta have a dance party.
2. The color palate for my hippie barn
3. The Kelly and Perry Show
4. Pew Pew!
5. Lunch view/freedom café
6. Write a post about margaritas and coronas and the universe will give you nachos.
7. I’ll take all of them, please.
8. “Of course, I knew it was your shadow the minute I saw it. And I said to myself, “I’ll put it away for him until he comes back. He’s sure to come back”. And you did, didn’t you.”
9. In a side alley, in a tiny shop of mostly shawls…I find this Free People gem. $6.
10. A hippie sunset
I’ve had such a beautiful show of support since my post about where to go from here. People have shared their stories of struggling with similar situations and, with a sincere wish for the best, they encourage me to be patient. Thank you to everyone who reached out; I am very grateful.
The last few days have brought a shift from a limited scope of the mind to no scope at all: A situation that I had invested in, mostly with love (the most expensive currency), and on which I had been relying for support was suddenly taken away. My plan of where I was going from here was destroyed, shattered by another individual’s ignorant choices. My choice: leave that situation behind. This meant letting go of the plan I had settled on. I was scared. I found myself in a panic, thinking what have I done in letting this situation go!?? I am left with no plan!
Nothing is the space required for something.
I learned today that in order to have something you have to make space for it to exist. Space is the lack of object: no thing: nothing. By letting go of the plan I had limited myself to, I opened up to infinite possibilities.
Follow up post on the inversion workshop with Ali G the other day! Main lesson: I’ve got to improve my arm strength.
This was practicing Ali G’s method of getting up into handstand: starting in Adho Mukha Svanasana, use one leg to push off the ground with, swinging your other leg with the momentum and hoping you hit the wall. I didn’t like the chaos that ensued with my body’s alignment so I switched around a bit and came into handstand via the arm exercises I’ve been practicing.
Every morning, I wake up and feel…normal. Throughout the day, I’m pretty much as far from normal as you can get with crazy clothes and phrases like “I’m going to burn this place to the ground” if, say, there aren’t any bananas left at breakfast. But preceding this chaos, I wake up calm. Normal. I don’t wake up thinking “WOAH, I’M IN INDIA THIS IS SO INSANE!!”, although I sometimes think that during the course of the day. I don’t wake up to the mooing and hacking and sneezing and barking and think “OH INDIA, you cluster of chaos!”. I wake up, I wiggle my toes and stretch my arms over my little hippie head and think “Mmmmm, the morning is good.” I listen for the clattering hoofbeats of the four donkeys that bring supplies to the village and know that, without fail, it’s 5:45; I’d better get out of the bed. And much like some people get up and put on a suit, with the same sense of routine and comfort, I move about my room gathering bits of hippie clothing and dressing along the way: yoga pants here, scarf there. I move through my routine and feel a great calm and comfort, a sense of integration rather than idolization of my surroundings. I grab my carpet bag and mat and rush out the door, like so many others do with their morning coffee.
This sense of peace and comfort grows every moment. I find myself making plans with friends here and saying “I’m at home now; I’ll meet you for lunch”. I’m at home now. I’ve lived in many types of living situations in my time, everything from living out of a suitcase at my boyfriends house to having my own studio apartment. They all felt temporary. And now, in a foreign country, I’ve never felt more at home.
Chaos. A fantastic day of running around being free. The Indian children in our ‘hood were almost to the point of tears with joy. They would call out “Happy Holi”, mischievously peering from behind their gate. I would stop suddenly, dramatically in my stride and crouch low, eyes narrowed and hands up in loose fists. From their hiding place, I could see the tip of a water gun or the edge of a bucket, water splashing out on to the ground as their tiny muscles shook, poised to empty the bucket on me as soon as I came close enough. This was colorful war. I’d make like I was going to start running, lunging towards them; they would shriek and giggle. Their giggles would continue as I reached for my plastic baggie of bright pink pigment. Then, just as I was about to make my move, from some attack post in the upper floors of the house, a giant waterfall of water would come crashing down completely soaking me in murky blue water. These little guys on the ground were just a distraction, a ploy! The children would all cheer and run out to me, hands outstretched. I would crouch down and laugh as tiny little fingers smudged fluorescent pigments across my cheeks and forehead. I loved this day. Happy Holi!
We are knee-deep in philosophy and Roshan is dropping some fantastic knowledge. We are discussing how the mind is a filter through which inner consciousness (the soul, if you will) sees outer consciousness (matter). I raise my hand and ask why this barrier has to exist: if we are consciousness and matter is consciousness then why does this veil (mind) exist that clouds our perception? The mind is causing all this ruckus with its coloring of what we observe. It seems that our perception is LIMITED by the mind. I gave an example of a flower. When I see a flower, I touch it and think it is soft. I smell it and think it is fragrant. I see its color and think it is vibrant. Through my five senses I am experiencing consciousness which is manifesting as a flower. But the same consciousness is manifesting as me or you or this computer. So, in this example, if we agree that we have pure consciousness (me) looking at pure consciousness (the flower), then the mind just gets in the way, right? Because really (and then I said it:)
“I AM the flower but because of my mind I experience the flower as separate from me.”
Oh man. Super hippie, level up.