A conversation in yoga

It’s been a tangible day. One of those days when the memories and compromises and emotions you have dug into become so raw that all sensory input is amplified. Routine pathways carved within your neuron network fire without direct stimulation and spark feelings and images long since stored away to flash like new across the present moment. And you find yourself in power hour yoga, just barely recovered from the conversation on the phone and the tears it brought.

I can’t do this right now but I’m going to. I will feel better. Focus on the breath, in and out.

Feel free to sigh whenever you need to, feel free to let it go. Notice what you are holding on to and then let it go.

I can feel my chest tighten and my temples begin to pound. If you start crying, Allyson, it’s not going to be good. Breathe in and out.

The tears came anyway. Welling up and finally spilling on to my mat. The room became obscured and fuzzy as the tears kept coming. I just kept moving. Pose after pose. I could feel myself shifting through the familiar sensations of one of these “attacks”. Anger, jealousy, isolation. These were real sensations and yet the only outward stimulation was a simple phrase meant to comfort: let it go.

From Extended Side Angle, transition into Warrior ll, go for it! the pain only lasts for 5 seconds and then it eases and disappears.

It’s true, 5 seconds and the pain is gone. Is that how it work in real life as well? Could I have just breathed through 5 seconds of sensation and reacted less or not at all? Could I have been more patient, more kind, more understanding?

We don’t think we are strong enough to do things but really that’s just the resistance within the mind.

I always felt that I wasn’t strong enough to change my behavior, that I needed others to change before I could commit to something as simple as breathing for 5 seconds and then reevaluating the situation. I felt that every blowup was the one in which to prove I wasn’t wrong, that I wasn’t the sick one. And in reality, every time was the time in which my mind resisted the idea of compassion, the idea of love and patience, the evidence that I was in need of help.

what are you holding on to? Let it go.

Advertisements

One thought on “A conversation in yoga

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s