Where to go from here

I’m laid out with a mild fever and I can’t help think it’s a result of stress from thinking too much.

I leave India in a month and I have no plan.

Well, I do have an idea of a plan that involves living in an awesome giant barn with a wheel and a kiln and a jewelry bench and where I can push open the big doors and teach yoga and hold yoga retreats and have a garden and a floor loom to weave awesome yoga mats with the chakras on them. This is what I am going to do. But how??

A few days ago, I sat with one of my colleagues/teacher/friend and asked him to do a Tarot spread (Osho version) for me on this major situation: where do I go from here? The spread that I pulled was super silly…

1. Present moment: I pulled the projections card. Of course. Projections are the clouds that prevent us from seeing reality as it is. What is reality? Reality is not, for example, the economic recession, bills, insurance, having a 9 – 5, although some people will argue to the death that it is. These are just thoughts. In the Yoga Sutras we read that all thoughts break down into 5 categories. Thoughts are fine until we decide to attach to one and claim it as being true; this is what people who claim reality is having a 9 – 5, etc are doing. The category of thought this falls under is ignorance about the true nature of things, not seeing reality as it is. Fearless expression of yourself is ultimate alignment with reality. My fearless expression: being a jewelry making, pottery firing, yoga teaching, gardening inspiration.

2. Resistance: I pulled the Compromise card. I thought this meant that I must give up some aspects of the little hippie life I want in order to be happy or able to move forward…because this is what some people in my life expect of me. HA! Not so! It is one thing to meet another halfway or work towards some type of harmony. It is quite another to “cave in” and betray our own truth. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing, limiting myself by compromising my fearless expression.

The spread went on to highlight my internal support as sharing: creating an environment where I have an opportunity to share my love, joy and laughter. External support was giving up the illusion that I have control over the external. And ultimately this all leads to maturity, where a solid base is formed from what has been experienced within.

I walk around all day on high alert. Where is my barn? What country is it in? Should I go home? How will I find this amazing barn? This continues on loop all day.

Once we stop holding so tightly onto our thoughts, we can be free.


6 thoughts on “Where to go from here

  1. When I first went to India, I thought the culture-shock was the worst. But by the time my time came to an end, I realized it wasn’t.

    Leaving was the hardest part. I felt a lot of the same things you do now. I was running out of money, I HAD to head home to Canada, and I knew I was going home to no home, a town I had never been before, and no job. All I wanted to do was keep doing yoga on the beach, and having meaningful conversations with strangers.

    But I got sidetracked by “real life”, and a year later, I’m still struggling finding steady work, and the only yoga I do is once a week above the local art gallery in a town far, far away from any beaches.

    It doesn’t matter where your barn is. You’ll know the right one when you see it. Just don’t get sidetracked.


  2. After living in Auroville, India for 6 years, and 3 years since the last time leaving, I am heading back to the U.S. tomorrow for a long stay….Despite all my attempts to ‘plan’ my trip and where I’ll be, looking for work, etc., everything keeps returning back to simply needing to Surrender totally to every new Moment and every next Step along the way, in total Spontaneity. Nothing wants to come to settle firmly in, but to be open to wherever the Divine seeks to flow, with me in tow. So, I understand totally being in a state of the Unknown and Uncertain, but I try to remember always that no matter what, the Divine Presence and Grace and the Truth for me is Present no matter what I may be doing or where I may be……So who knows where I shall be in a few weeks, or months, or later this year……I can only let go and allow it all to Unfold even as I try to Shape it and Choose it. I wish you much Light along your new Journey when it comes!

    P.S. There are a lot of Yoga-inspired and other intentional communities around the world and the U.S….I just heard from someone from a place called Songaia in the Seattle area (www.songaia.com if you wish to see)…..perhaps you will find your barn, or new Home, in a place like this? Just a humble idea for you. Take care.

  3. I was actually enrolled for the yoga training in Rishikesh for the month of February, but something came up. I backpacked Europe last summer and had a lot of your similar thoughts. I met a couple from Eugene, Oregon during my travels, and the way they described Eugene sounded perfect for me. Five months later, here I am. I have a garden, I bike ride everywhere,live a very simple, loving life. There are farmers markets everywhere. The beach is 45 minutes and the mountains are everywhere! I just recently went to a hot springs where clothing is optional. Everyone has the understanding that all bodies are beautiful and should be treated as such. I am originally from the Midwest and I had always dreamt of living in a sustainable, loving and unique environment. Oregon is just that. I hope you find what you are looking for, but know that you will find. it. πŸ™‚ I always thought this idea of where I wanted to start roots at was too high of an expectation that I wasn’t going to meet… But, I was proven wrong. And you will too.. Keep exploring.
    Much love!


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